Darkest Hour Before Dawn Read online

  "Is that why you brought me back here?" Hudson seethed, tears in his eyes. "To hurt me? I don't need you to remind me why my brother's dead, Sebastian. I know why he's dead."

  "I didn't mean that."

  "You did. You wanted to hurt me, and you have, in spectacular fashion. How could you? You know how much he meant to me. He was the only one who understood me. The only one who saw me. Before you, he was everything. He was all I had." Hudson's breath hitched, and Seb put his hand to Hudson's cheek.

  "You're right. I was hurting, so I wanted to make you hurt. That was really shitty what I said. I'm so sorry. Please believe me." He meant every word. It was a low blow. Next to Seb, Hudson loved no one more than his brother Alfie. The guilt ate away at Hudson to this day. "Forgive me," Seb pleaded softly.

  Hudson nodded, and he flattened his hands against the wall to his sides, his fingers splayed, as if the wall was the only thing holding him up. His eyes were hooded, his dilated pupils leaving only a sliver of pale blue rims. His lips were pink and slightly parted, his cheeks flushed, and hair tousled. Gingerly, Seb drew closer and slipped his leg between Hudson's. Their bodies were almost pressed together, the heat coming off Hudson almost choking him. Hudson's anger melted away, leaving him vulnerable and trembling in front of Seb. Hudson might make excuses, even lie, but his body would always betray him. All Seb had to do was nudge Hudson, the way he was doing with his knee against the bulge in Hudson's slacks. The way he shivered almost undid Seb.

  Seb placed his hand to Hudson's cheek, his heart skipping a beat when Hudson closed his eyes and leaned into the touch ever so slightly. His skin was so soft and smooth. Images of them in bed flashed through Seb's mind. Tangled limbs, the sound of soft laughter, and the beauty of Hudson's face as Seb brought him to release. Making love to Hudson had been nothing short of a divine experience for Seb, a display of worship, of his undying adoration. Seb brushed his lips against Hudson's temple, leaving a feathery kiss behind before turning his face. God, he smelled so damned good.

  Hudson tentatively moved one hand onto Seb's abdomen, drawing a quiet gasp from him. He thought Hudson might push him away, but instead Hudson slid his hand slowly up, his touch burning through Seb's T-shirt.

  Seb lowered his head, their faces so close he could feel Hudson's breath on his skin. "You make me crazy," Seb murmured, brushing his lips over Hudson's in a butterfly kiss. Hudson parted his lips and angled his face up. He trailed his fingers down to Seb's belt, tucking them between it and Seb's skin, the touch scorching. Was he trying to keep Seb close? Seb leaned in for a kiss as Hudson moved his eyes to meet Seb's. They were glazed, and the tip of his nose rosy. Seb realized he could have Hudson inside the utility closet with his pants around his ankles with very little persuasion. The alcohol would make sure of it. The idea sent a surge of anger through him. He slammed his fist against the wall, startling Hudson.

  "I'm sorry," Seb said gruffly, hating that he'd scared Hudson. He tore himself away and thundered out. Dex and Sloane were at the bar. Seb gave Dex a look of warning when Dex opened his mouth. "Hudson's out back. Make sure he gets home. Alone."

  Dex didn't ask questions or argue. He quickly headed off toward the back while Seb grabbed his leather jacket from the coatrack by the stairs. He wanted Hudson. Wanted him more than anything, but not like that. Not while he was shitfaced and his defenses were down. If Hudson wanted him, he could damn well do it while he was sober. The last thing either of them needed was more guilt. As it was, Seb couldn't believe he'd dragged Alfie into this. He cursed himself for his stupidity, for lashing out at the man he loved more each day.

  "Fuck." He hurried out of Dekatria, into the cool night air, his heart aching. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. What happened to time healing all wounds? It was bullshit, that's what it was. Seb clenched his fists at his sides as he walked. He needed to calm down. A horn blared, and Seb was jerked back as a car flew by. "Shit." What the fuck was wrong with him? He'd walked right into the middle of the road.

  "Dude, are you okay?" A guy jogged over. "If that guy hadn't pulled you back...." He shook his head, and Seb raked his fingers through his hair, his heart beating in his ears. He looked around. Aside from the few pedestrians staring with either concern or like he was crazy, the sidewalk was empty.

  "Did you see where he went?"

  The guy looked around, scratching his head. "He was here like a second ago, and just... disappeared."

  Seb didn't blame the guy for not sticking around. Probably thought Seb was some kind of nutcase. "Thanks," Seb said, checking the street this time before crossing. At least someone was looking out for him. He needed to pull himself together and not rely on a guardian angel to save his sorry ass, or he might not be so lucky next time.

  HUDSON SLID down the length of the wall, his heartache forming a lump in his throat.

  Not a day went by that he didn't think about or miss his brother. Alfie had only been a year older than Hudson, but he'd always been the big brother. He was the only one who looked out for Hudson, took care of him, taught him how to tie his shoes, how not to be scared of his Therian form. Alfie taught him how to be confident in who and what he was. They'd been two peas in a pod. When they were little, they pretended to be Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, searching for clues and chasing villains. As soon as they turned eighteen, they set off on real adventures, traipsing around Europe until their father's lackeys brought them home. Years later, Alfie still teased Hudson, calling him Watson. Hudson had wanted to be Holmes, but Alfie refused, joking that if anyone was to end up dabbling in questionable substances, it would be him, while Hudson was more likely to end up the respectable doctor.

  Their oldest brother, George, busied himself being the perfect heir, and although Theo had been kind, he was the second oldest, with a never-ending list of responsibilities that kept him away. Lewis and Evelyn spent their time going from one posh party to another. They were too concerned with their high-society friends, getting photographed with the right people, and adding to the Colbourn wealth to worry about their little brothers. Their mother, Emilia, spent her time managing Colbourn Cottage, a gothic-style manor built on twenty acres of land in Sevenoaks, Kent, where Hudson and his siblings had been born. It had a very modest seven bedrooms, five reception rooms, four bathrooms, a conservatory, tennis court, and swimming pool. The large staff, steady flow of visitors, and grand parties kept Colbourn Cottage in a constant flurry of activity. Hudson had never felt more alone than he did in his family home. His home had been Alfie, and one day his home was gone.

  "Hudson?" Dex knelt beside him, a hand to his shoulder. "Hey, buddy. What happened?"

  "It's my fault he's gone," Hudson said quietly, his hands on his drawn-up knees.

  "Who? Seb?"

  Hudson shook his head. "Alfie."

  Dex sat down, his body pressed up against Hudson's, offering comfort. Hudson's inner wolf settled, feeling the warmth coming from his friend.

  "Who's Alfie?"

  "My brother. You would have liked him." Hudson couldn't help his smile. "He was a cheeky bugger. Always up to some mischief. Quick-witted, so confident and smart. He was charming and handsome too. Wherever he went, he left a trail of admirers. Everyone wanted to be where he was."

  "Sounds like quite the guy."

  Hudson nodded, tears welling in his eyes once more. "We were inseparable."

  "Want to tell me about it?"

  Hudson closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall. It had been so long since he'd talked about Alfie. Seb was the only one who knew the truth. "I'm afraid you might think less of me."

  "Hey. You're my friend. Nothing you say will change that. I know you, Hudson. You're a good man. Whatever it is, you can tell me, but only if you want to." Dex put his hand on Hudson's arm, and Hudson opened his eyes. He rolled his head to look at Dex. The concern and affection in Dex's bright blue eyes eased Hudson's uncertainty.

  Hudson pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "My family comes from we
alth. Old money passed down through generations. My great-grandfather was an earl or some such nonsense. I was never interested. Our name and wealth ensured my father never lost his place in society after he and my mother were infected with the virus. Unlike many, they embraced becoming Therian. My father used it to his advantage, boasting how his family had been gifted with an even greater strength. He'd always been an intimidating man, and after becoming Therian, no one dared speak against him.

  "I'm the youngest, before me came Alfie, then Millie, Evelyn, Lewis, Theo, and George. All of us born wolf Therians. We became a pack, one my father sought to mold in his image. He wanted our family to become one of the most influential Therian families in England. He believes Therians are superior to Humans. How can they not be? He's one of them after all." Hudson shook his head in disgust. "My father, Dr. Felix Colbourn, was, and still is, a strict man, very set in his ways. No matter what we were, he had certain expectations for all his children, paths he'd chosen for all of us. There was no question of who would do what. Our entire lives were mapped out, from what schools we would attend, to what age we would marry, and who we would marry. Therian of course."

  Dex frowned. "That sounds... harsh."

  Hudson shrugged. "It was expected. My brothers and sisters fell into line, eager to please my parents and make them proud. They wanted the money and prestige. Alfie and I, we didn't want our lives dictated. We couldn't understand why it was so important to them. Everything had to be perfect. As the youngest, I was spoiled. Given everything I asked for. It was easier to placate me than spend the effort required to understand me. Whatever my siblings wanted, Alfie and I wanted the opposite, at times simply out of spite. We rebelled all through our youth. In our teens, we were always getting into trouble. We wanted to see how far we could push everyone.

  "My father decided Alfie and I would pursue a career in cardiology, but from a young age, we'd been fascinated by forensic science, the way puzzle pieces are discovered and examined to form a bigger picture. We wanted to help those no longer capable of helping themselves, and perhaps bring peace to those left behind. The THIRDS caught our interest, and when I brought it up at dinner one evening, my father was absolutely livid."

  "Why? The THIRDS is an elite worldwide organization that does great things."

  "It's, to quote my father, 'a lowly position for men who desire power but are too poor to rise to much else.' Plus the idea of having any of his children working toward equality when Humans were so very much beneath us was simply too appalling for words."

  Dex let out a scoff. "Charming."

  "Quite. The arguments were never-ending, growing worse every time. They usually resulted in Alfie and I storming out and going on the piss."

  "What's that again?" Dex asked, pursing his lips in thought. "That's different from taking the piss, right?"

  "It means binge drinking."

  "Ah. Right."

  Hudson let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. He let his head hang as the familiar anguish washed over him.

  "It was after we'd finished our residency. Evelyn was pregnant, and our family was throwing her a big bridal shower at a very grand seaside hotel in Cornwall. It was outdoors. Alfie and I decided we were going to tell our parents we'd applied to the THIRDS. It went as well as you can imagine. My father slapped me. Alfie and I got completely drunk off our arses. It was shambolic. Evelyn's husband and my brothers confronted us, and when George pushed me, Alfie punched him. We took off, and they followed. They caught up to us round the back of the hotel near the overhang...." Hudson swallowed past the lump in his throat. A chill swept through him, and he shivered.

  "George grabbed my arm, and I swung at him. I was so drunk I could barely see straight. Unbalanced. Alfie caught me before I fell and pushed me back, but he was nearly as drunk as I was. He lost his balance and stumbled back. I scrambled to my feet in time to watch him fall off the side of the cliff."

  Dex gasped, his hand tightening over Hudson's arm, but Hudson barely felt it. He was numb, chilled to the bone. In front of him, he could see nothing but an expanse of dark ocean under a gray sky. The icy wind whipped at his tearstained face as he screamed, the sound drowned out by waves crashing against the cliff's side.

  "I was there the next evening when my family went to identify... him." Hudson murmured, staring out into nothingness. "Quite frankly, everyone was astonished by the pristine state Alfie was in and how quickly he'd been found. Within minutes of calling emergency services. It was astounding, really.

  "I won't ever forget his face, so handsome, looking as if he was asleep. The medical examiner had been startled by the death. Alfie had somehow missed the rocks at the base of the cliff. He hit his head, but that wasn't what killed him. The icy water, and the current... the shock... he never stood a chance. We'd been shown mercy, and Alfie had been washed up near the cliff's edge, so he didn't sink down to the bottom of the ocean. God knows when he would have resurfaced and in what condition. I wanted to touch him, assure myself it was really him on that table, that he was really... gone, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I was frozen to the spot, afraid if I did, I would shatter.

  "My family blamed me. If I hadn't been so spoiled, if I'd listened, done as they asked.... The reasons were endless. When I was accepted to the THIRDS, a position suddenly opened up at HQ in Manhattan. I didn't hesitate. I needed to leave. My father cut me off. I sold what was mine, bought a plane ticket to New York City, and never looked back.

  "They tried contacting me. It seemed as if the phone calls would never cease. At first I thought perhaps they wanted me back, but all they did was tell me how foolish I was. How I would never amount to anything on my own in America. My brother hired an investigator to keep an eye on me, which is how he discovered my relationship with Seb. George told my father all about the Hobbs family. My father demanded I leave Seb, and I told him to go to hell. He disowned me that very day, and I haven't spoken to him since."

  Dex cursed under his breath. He handed Hudson a napkin, and Hudson smiled as he took it. He blew his nose and frowned. "Seb is cross with me."

  "Why?"

  Hudson explained, waiting for Dex to reassure him. Instead, Dex shook his head, his disapproval evident on his handsome face.

  "You know I love you, man, but that was a dick move."

  Hudson frowned. That wasn't what he'd been expecting. "Oh?"

  "You were trying to make him jealous."

  Hudson opened his mouth to refute the accusation, but Dex held up a hand to stop him.

  "We both know Seb. He's not the kind of guy to play games. From what you said, it sounds like you wanted his attention, he didn't give it to you, and you got pissy. Trent was in the right place at the right time. You can't get mad because Seb called you out on your behavior. You either want to be with him or you don't, Hudson. You can't push him away, and then when he does what you want him to, get mad." Dex got up and held a hand out to him. "Come on. Let's get you home."

  Hudson nodded. "Perhaps a shower and cup of tea is in order." He found it difficult to look Dex in the eye. "Forgive me. This is a happy occasion, and I'm being an arsehole."

  Dex threw an arm around Hudson as he led him out into Dekatria. "All is forgiven, and if you need anything, you call me, okay?"

  Hudson nodded, allowing Dex to help him into his jacket before escorting him downstairs and outside. Dex called him a cab, made certain he was settled in the backseat, and instructed the driver where to take him. Hudson thanked Dex and let his head rest against the window so he could look out into the streets. He pulled his keys from his pocket so he'd have them ready when he got there. His head was fuzzy, and he dozed off before the cab driver roused him awake with a gentle shake to the shoulder.

  "Oh, terribly sorry." He thanked the man and made a mental note to treat Dex to lunch for paying his cab fare and tip. Outside his home, he was digging through his pockets for his keys when he felt odd. Like he was being watched. Peering down one end of the softly lit residentia
l street, he found it empty. Same with the other end. It was most likely his alcohol-riddled brain. Where the hell were his keys? He groaned when he remembered he'd taken them out of his pocket. They'd most likely fallen somewhere in the cab. He turned, and a silver gleam caught his eyes.

  "Thank bloody goodness." They were right there on the pavement. He picked them up, frowning down at them. They must have fallen on his person somewhere, then onto the ground without him realizing. With a sigh, he headed for his front steps. The back of his eyes stung, and he turned to sit on his stoop. He gazed up at the sky, feeling miserable.

  "I miss you," he murmured.

  His brother would have known what to do. He always did. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so alone. "How did I manage to lose two families, Alfie? That has to be some kind of record." He shook his head before running a hand through his hair. "I suppose I should be grateful you're not here to see how pathetic I've become. But then if you were here, I wouldn't be so alone." His mobile rang, and he tapped the screen before putting it to his ear. He hadn't bothered looking at who it was.

  "Hudson?"

  The soft voice brought a smile to his face, and the ache in his chest eased. "Julia?"

  "Hello, sweetheart. I hope you don't mind me calling. I was making myself a cup of tea, and when I sat down on the couch to watch TV, one of the photo albums was there. I must have left it out when I was dusting the bookcase. Anyway, I went to return it to the shelf, and a photograph of you fell out. I missed your voice."

  Hudson swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I missed your voice too. I'm so glad you called." Warmth spread through him, and he couldn't help his smile as he stood to head inside, Julia's sweet voice lifting his spirits. Her timing couldn't have been more perfect, and as he walked into his house, he said a silent little thank-you to his brother, wherever he was.

  Chapter 5

  "DON'T LOOK at me like that."

  Hudson popped a couple of Tylenol into his mouth and took a long swig of his bottled water. Nina was giving him that look. The "I can't believe you did that" look. Apparently his work day was going to be as shite as the pounding in his head, but then he should have suspected as much, considering he'd started his day with a particularly gruesome autopsy. It was soon followed by phone calls and e-mails from a number of Therian solicitors who all believed their case was the most important case in the history of New York City and specifically wanted him to testify in court as their expert witness, not to mention were under the illusion Hudson was their personal circus poodle ready to jump through hoops on their command, because really, how long could a DNA analysis take? And surely cause of death could be easily determined by simply staring at a body long enough, and how dare he declare that piece of evidence contaminated--it had only been trampled on by four HPF officers, minimum.