Love and Payne Page 9

  Edan put his hand on Zach’s shoulder. “What’s going on, Ozzy?”

  Zach wasn’t one to talk about anyone’s personal issues, especially not Austen’s, but his parents already suspected something, and maybe if his brothers knew, they’d understand Austen’s behavior a little better.

  “Austen’s the youngest Therian to work for the THIRDS. He was fourteen. He’d been living on the streets before that.”

  Silence fell across the room, and Zach shifted uncomfortably on his chair. “If he finds out I told you, or that anyone feels sorry for him because of it, he’ll never forgive me. You probably noticed, but he doesn’t like to be thought of as weak. I think it’s got something to do with his family, but he won’t talk about his past. I think Dad being nice to him and calling him ‘son’ hit a nerve or something.”

  “It’s obvious he’s not used to the idea of family,” Gavin said, looking thoughtful. “Getting close to him is like trying to soothe a feral Felid. He’s going to lash out, so you need to be careful of those claws.” His smile was sympathetic. “If you really want that boy’s heart, you’re going to need to earn his trust, show a great deal of patience and gentleness.”

  Zach shook his head and dropped his gaze to his fingers. “We’ve been at this for years, Dad. I don’t think he’s ever going to let me in.”

  His father appeared beside him and patted his back. “Don’t give up on him, Ozzy. I have a feeling too many people in his life have done that already.”

  Zach was surprised by his father’s words. He’d expected his dad to caution him about getting involved with a guy like Austen.

  “Hey, why don’t we all go out for a run in our Therian forms? Invite him to come along?” Edan said.

  “And it wouldn’t hurt for him to bring Brayden,” Bram teased, elbowing Edan, who rolled his eyes.

  “Shut up,” Edan said, then frowned. “Where’s he been, anyway? I haven’t seen him around in a while.”

  “I’ve been checking the perimeter,” Brayden said, giving them all a start.

  “Jesus, they are like ninjas,” Bram said, holding a hand to his chest. “Damn Felids and their stalking.”

  Brayden laughed as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He twisted the cap off, took several gulps, his eyes on Edan. When he was done, he winked. “Yeah, we Felids are good at lots of things.” Saluting with the water bottle, he sauntered from the room, which was now silent until their mom let out a bark of laughter.

  “Oh my,” she said, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “You boys certainly have your hands full with those two.” Shaking her head in amusement, she left with their dad in tow.

  “And that’s why, dear brothers,” Bram stated, jumping from his chair, “I don’t do relationships. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a phone call to make. PR’s been on my ass to arrange another field trip to Unit Beta.”

  “We do that all the time,” Colin said with a shrug. “What’s the big deal?”

  “The teacher whose class they want me to show around is a prissy pain in my ass,” Bram grumbled.

  “Have we worked with him before?”

  Bram shook his head. “He was just added to the roster. Some guy called Felipe Bautista.” Bram wrinkled his nose. “Even his name’s pretentious.”

  Zach and Edan exchanged glances, and Edan smiled wickedly. “And you care because?”

  Bram rolled his shoulders back with a sniff. “I don’t. Like I said, he’s just a pain in the ass.” Bram seemed to get lost in thought for a moment before shaking his head and leaving the room. Colin’s bemused expression mirrored the rest of theirs.

  “Well, that was weird, even for Bram.”

  Edan shrugged before concern filled his eyes. “Ozzy, you’re looking a little worn-out. Maybe you should take a nap before we leave.”

  Zach hated to admit it, but his brother was right. He was a little tired. Maybe he had more healing to do than he originally thought. He’d been kind of pushing it since they arrived. Shifting might help move the healing process along, though he’d have to take it slow. “You’re right. I’ll see you guys in a couple of hours.”

  Upstairs, Zach stopped in front of Austen’s room. Even if Austen did answer the door, it wasn’t likely he’d go with them. Austen would probably think the idea was ridiculous, but now that his brother had brought it up, Zach’s inner bear was stirring. He loved frolicking in the snow in his Therian form, and he didn’t get to do it very often. With a heavy sigh, he braced himself for disappointment, and knocked.

  “Austen?”

  Maybe he was asleep. Zach was about to give up, when Brayden’s door opened and Austen popped his head out.

  “What?”

  Zach stood dumbly, staring at Austen. What was he doing in Brayden’s room? Whatever. It was none of his business. He thought back to what Brayden had shared on the ride up. Was that what happened? Had Austen freaked out and ended up in Brayden’s bed again? The thought sliced painfully at Zach’s heart. At least Austen hadn’t opened the door naked. Why did he keep doing this to himself? If Austen couldn’t keep from running to Brayden while he was under the same roof as Zach, what future could they possibly have? None.

  “Zach?”

  Shit. Quickly Zach shook himself out of it. “Sorry, um, it’s stupid. Never mind.” He turned toward his door, but Austen stepped out into the hall.

  “Tell me.”

  With a sigh, Zach turned to face Austen, unable to read the odd expression on his face. He shrugged, as if the answer didn’t matter. “We’re going out in our Therian forms. I thought you and Brayden might want to join us.”

  “Really? We’re hiding you from killers, and you’re going to go for a romp in the snow? How do you plan on camouflaging your giant brown bear asses in the middle of all that white?”

  “Well, there’s the fact that there’s going to be, like, two dozen of us, plus it’s not like there aren’t brown bears in these mountains.”

  Brayden materialized beside Austen, and Zach couldn’t help his chuckle at Brayden’s wide-eyed excitement. He was all but bouncing on his toes.

  “Can we? Please, Austen.”

  Austen rolled his eyes, his sigh resigned. Clearly he couldn’t deny his enthusiastic friend and the ridiculously wide smile on Brayden’s face. “Fine, but everyone remains extra vigilant.”

  “Great! Would you mind waking me up in a couple of hours if I haven’t gotten up by then?”

  Austen nodded, his annoyance melting into something that looked oddly like… concern. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, feeling a little winded. I think I’ve been overexerting myself, so I’m going to take a short nap.” Instinctively he put a hand to the side where he’d had surgery to stop the internal bleeding. He’d done pretty well at not thinking about how close he’d come to not being here right now. As a bear Therian and a THIRDS agent, he sometimes forgot he was as vulnerable as everyone else. Size and strength didn’t matter—when his number was up, it was up.

  “Hey.”

  Zach jumped at Austen’s touch. He’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t noticed Austen step in front of him, their bodies mere inches apart. Austen gazed up at him, his eyes filled with worry and something else Zach couldn’t decipher. His brows were drawn together, and his hand was on Zach’s chest.

  “Yeah.” Zach swallowed hard. “Guess it just kinda hit me how close I came to—”

  Austen put his fingers to Zach’s lips, catching him off guard. “You’re here. That’s what matters.”

  Smiling, Zach pressed his hand to Austen’s and kissed the fingers against his lips, loving the way Austen’s face flushed. Slowly, Austen pulled his hand from under Zach’s.

  “I’m glad I’m here too,” Zach said softly. “See you in a bit.” When he opened his door, he held back a smile at the knowledge that Austen hadn’t moved. He was too busy gazing down at the fingers Zach had kissed.

  AUSTEN DROPPED down into the armchair by the window and gazed out at the still mount
ainside. In the distance, only snow, trees, and the mountains were visible. The scene seemed weirdly… peaceful. He sat there for the longest time, saying nothing, not thinking about anything in particular, just observing the scenery.

  “I get it now.”

  Brayden’s voice snapped Austen back to the room, and he turned to face him, smiling at the sight of his dorky friend hanging off the side of the bed, his arm swinging aimlessly as his fingers brushed across the carpet.

  “Get what?”

  “Why you keep your distance.” Brayden turned his head, his big blue eyes troubled. Austen sat up, brought his knees to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them as he waited for Brayden to elaborate.

  “He makes you wish for something you shouldn’t be wishing for.”

  Austen stiffened at Brayden’s words, not simply because it was the truth, but because Austen knew Brayden well enough to realize he wasn’t talking about Zach. Brayden stared down at the carpet, a vulnerability Austen had never seen before making Brayden appear younger than his twenty-six years of age.

  “He makes you feel normal, like you’re a regular guy, and not… damaged. And even though you know he’s so damned good down to his core that he’d never be disgusted if you told him what kind of guy you really were, the fear he’d stop looking at you like you’re the only guy in the room is enough to make you keep your distance.”

  Austen swallowed hard. “Shit, Bray, I’m sorry.”

  Brayden finally lifted his gaze. “What for?”

  “For bringing you here. For putting you in his path.”

  Brayden let out a sigh before he smiled wistfully. “Don’t be. It was worth it.” A mischievous twinkle came into his eyes, and his smile turned sinful. “Besides, no one says we can’t have a little fun. We’re both adults. It can be just sex, right? I mean, it is for us. No strings attached.”

  Who was Brayden trying to convince? Austen or himself? Edan was like Zach. He wasn’t the fuck-around kind of guy, and the way Brayden’s smile slipped from his lips, his intense gaze back on the carpet, it was obvious Brayden knew as much.

  “Fuck,” Brayden mumbled. He sat up and crossed his legs while he sat in the middle of the bed. His bottom lip jutted out in a pout as he picked some lint off his sock. “So this is what a crush feels like, huh?” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s kinda fucked-up.”

  Austen schooled his features. “You could just seduce him. Hell, the guy’s already goofy for you. One look, and you can have him on his knees.”

  “Fuck you,” Brayden hissed, his glare murderous. “He’s not a target.”

  It was all Austen needed to hear. He got up and joined Brayden on the bed, lying down. Brayden lay back beside him.

  “Christ, Austen. I feel like I’m going fucking crazy. Every time I think I have a handle on things, I see his smile and my brain short-circuits, and when he touches me? Ugh, I’m fucked. I know he’s generally a touchy-feely kind of guy, like the rest of his family. They’re always hugging, patting, ruffling your hair. But with me, it’s like he can’t help but touch me when I’m near him. He stands a little closer to me than he does anyone else, and he’s always so aware of how big he is. I’ve never had that before.”

  Austen could feel Brayden’s eyes on him, and he knew what his friend was about to say. “I’ve only just met Edan. You’ve known Zach for years. How do you do it? How have you managed to keep your hands off him for so long?”

  “Easy.” Austen shrugged as he laced his fingers on his stomach and stared at the ceiling. “As painful as it is to stay away from him, I think about how much worse it would be to give in and then watch him walk away. Because that’s what would happen, Bray. Guys like us? We don’t get the guy or the happily ever after. We’re lucky if we live long enough to retire, but the truth is we’re most likely to end up with a bullet in the head or tortured to death.”

  Brayden sat up and narrowed his eyes at Austen. “You’re delightful.”

  Austen couldn’t help his bark of laughter. He rolled toward Brayden, who lay down again and rolled toward him, both of them laughing and giggling like the schoolboys they never got to be. It was what had drawn Austen to Brayden. Brayden was only a couple of years younger than him, and he imagined if they’d had a normal life, they would have been the best of friends growing up. Brayden was the only one who understood him, because like Austen, he was on the outside looking in. Soon Brayden’s smile faded, and Austen cupped Brayden’s cheek, running his thumb soothingly over his jaw.

  “Don’t do it, Bray. Don’t let yourself fall for him. You know what happens to operatives like you who fall in love. Please. I can’t hear about you turning up dead in some asshole’s bed in the middle of some foreign territory.”

  Brayden swallowed hard and nodded. They both knew falling in love was the worst thing that could happen to an operative who used his body to seduce targets. They slipped up, their hearts getting in the way of their objectives, and they ended up dead. The deaths those operatives received at the hands of their marks made Austen feel sick to his stomach. It was violent, degrading, and monstrous. Austen didn’t want that for Brayden.

  They lay in silence for what seemed like forever, both taking comfort in each other. Austen was grateful for TIN, for Sonya Sparks, who’d given his life purpose, who’d taken him in and given him exactly what he’d wanted: to never be at the mercy of anyone ever again. She taught him how to be strong, how to take care of himself and hold his own against anyone. He took pride in his work, in being able to do what few could, in serving his country and fellow Therians.

  Austen’s life had never been normal, and from what he’d seen of normal, he wasn’t a fan, but there were times when he was pulled into that world—usually by Sloane and his annoyingly optimistic husband—that had Austen feeling… jealous. He’d watched Sloane and his family, watched how they moved on in their lives and relationships. Sloane and Dex had married, as had the good doctor, Hudson Colbourn, and his burly tiger Therian, Sebastian Hobbs. Even Ash Keeler, asshole of the year, was living with his boyfriend, Cael. Somehow, they managed to make things work, and sometimes in the dead of night, when Austen was alone, his heart reminded him that the tiny spark of hope buried deep down inside him was still burning. It was a far cry from what he’d once felt.

  As far as he’d been concerned, the whole world could burn in a fiery hell. Then at fourteen, he met sexy jaguar Therian and THIRDS Team Leader Sloane Brodie, and everything changed. The world was still fucked-up—how could it not be with everything he’d seen? But the difference now was that he knew there was good too, because no matter what he did to push Sloane’s buttons, Sloane saw right through him. Hell, no one had ever bothered with him before, not unless they wanted something from him. Sloane had become his hero, and yeah, Austen developed a crush on his hero, even fell for him, but Sloane was destined for someone else. Someone who could give him what he desperately needed. Something Austen couldn’t provide for himself, much less someone else.

  Salvation.

  Dex had done what no one else managed to do. He’d helped Sloane heal, saved him from losing himself to the darkness he’d been living in. Austen had lived in the shadows for too long, there was no leaving them now, and dragging Zach in there with him was not an option.

  A COUPLE of hours later, Austen knocked on Zach’s bedroom door. “Zach, time to get up.” When he heard no sound or movement, he tried again. Then he remembered Zach was like his brothers with their freaky sleeping-not-sleeping thing. The Zachary brothers slept like the dead, but due to the nature of their jobs, they’d hardwired their brains through years of training so any sense of danger, any sound that shouldn’t be there, or an extra set of lungs taking in oxygen had them going from deep sleep to on their feet and ready for action in the blink of an eye. It was both disturbing and inspiring.

  Austen opened the door, hoping it would be enough to get Zach to wake up. Unfortunately, as Austen suspected, Zach was in his home, surrounded by his brothers and family. He felt s
afe and, therefore, let his guard down. Austen would have to talk to him about that. He closed the door, but not all the way, before heading over to the Therian-sized bed.

  Zach was fast asleep on his left side but leaning forward, his right leg bent and over his left, accentuating the curve of his firm round ass. Of course his duvet had been kicked off, and of course he slept in skintight gray boxer briefs, his charcoal-gray T-shirt riding up, leaving his lower back and abdomen exposed. Because of his position, the T-shirt stretched over his bulging biceps. His feet were bare, and his hair was sticking up at all angles. He was the most beautiful thing Austen had ever seen.

  “Well, hello.” Austen’s wandering eyes landed on the very distinct outline of what was clearly Zach’s very large, very stiff hard-on. Austen licked his lips and shoved his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. He really needed to get out of here. “Zach,” Austen growled. “Get your ass up.” Zach moaned, and it went straight to Austen’s dick. Fuck. “Zach, for fuck’s sake, man. Come on.”

  “Please, baby,” Zach groaned softly.

  A shiver went through Austen at the soft-spoken pet name, his eyes widening when he realized what was happening. Maybe it wasn’t what he thought.

  “Austen,” Zach said with a gasp, reaching down to palm his cock through his underwear.

  “Oh hell no. This isn’t happening.” He turned to go, but the erotic sounds coming from Zach had him stopping in his tracks. He closed his eyes, breathed in deep through his nose, and released the breath through his mouth. Opening his eyes, he turned, grabbed the glass of water from the nightstand, and threw the water in Zach’s face.

  Zach gasped and sputtered. His eyes flew open, and he scrambled to sit up on the side of the bed. “What the hell?” He wiped the water from his face, and Austen pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. Zach stared at him. “Why are you trying to drown me?”

  Austen cleared his throat. “I was trying to wake you up, but then you started to have what sounded like a good dream.” He motioned lower. “A very good dream.”