Darkest Hour Before Dawn Read online

  As he put away Seb's socks and boxers, a sense of intimacy washed over him, and he stilled. What was he doing? He needed to finish up and leave. This was no longer his home, and he would be foolish to give in to the nostalgia. He couldn't get swept away in the emotions this place stirred up. There would be no curling up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket and hot cup of tea to watch telly until dinnertime. No welcoming Seb home with a kiss, no cuddling or teasing or Seb absently running his fingers through Hudson's hair as they lay on the couch together. No falling asleep in Seb's warm embrace.

  Two shirts and a pair of slacks needed to be hung, so Hudson went to the closet to find hangers. After opening the right door, he glanced up and stared at the black bag. It was Seb's camera bag. It struck him then that what he'd believed was the lack of his belongings strewn about the place that made it look different, was actually the lack of photographs. When Hudson had lived here, the house had been filled with framed photos of them, their friends, and family. Seb loved taking photos, loved capturing life's little moments. He was also very talented, something few expected from the huge tiger Therian Defense agent. Seb had a keen eye for detail, as reflected in the snapshots he captured. Hudson had gifted him a camera when they'd been together. Seb had been hesitant to accept, due to how expensive it was, but Hudson had convinced him.

  It saddened Hudson to think Seb had stopped taking photographs. He'd loved it. The camera bag sat on the shelf, and Hudson carefully took it down. He walked over to the bed with it and removed the camera from its case. It looked new, but then Seb had always been exceptionally careful with it. All the lenses were neatly and securely tucked in their cases. It was digital with high definition video capability. Hudson turned on the camera, and a gasp caught in his throat at the timestamp of the video, the very last moment captured by Seb. It was the morning of the shooting. Hudson's hand shook as his finger hovered over the Playback button. Unable to stop himself, he pressed Play, and his chest tightened at the glorious smile on Seb's face. Someone else was filming.

  "I can't believe you're filming this," Seb said with a bashful laugh. He shook his head, his face somewhat flushed. A thumbs-up appeared in front of the camera, and Hudson smiled. Ethan. He held a hand out to Seb and made a "show me" motion.

  "What if he says no?" Seb removed something from his pocket, and Hudson sank down onto the edge of the bed, his heart in his throat and his pulse soaring. It couldn't be....

  Seb inhaled deeply through his nose and released the breath through his mouth. He looked straight at the camera, his green eyes sparkling and his smile forming creases at the corners of his eyes. He held out a black box and opened it.

  Hudson covered his mouth to stifle his gasp.

  "Lobito, by the time you see this, I really, really hope you've said yes. I hope you've said yes and made me the happiest guy in the world. I want you to always be at my side. Please be my husband."

  The camera went shaky and was placed on the bed, capturing part of Ethan as he lunged at his brother to squeeze the life out of him. Seb laughed and returned his embrace. The video went on for several more seconds as the brothers hugged. There was some sniffling, and then Ethan smiled big into the camera and waved before turning it off.

  Hudson stared down at the black screen and the tear that fell onto it. He wiped at his cheeks and then the screen before placing the camera in its case. Quickly he returned it to its bag and put the whole thing back where he'd found it. Had Seb watched it lately? Was that why the battery was fully charged? He hung up Seb's clothes, closed the closet door, then grabbed his wallet, phone, and keys. He hurried downstairs, turned off all the lights, and all but ran from the house after locking it behind him.

  That's what Seb had wanted to talk to him about when he'd asked him to dinner. He was going to propose that evening. Hudson stopped, finding it difficult to breathe. He leaned against the iron railing in front of someone's garden. It took him a moment to realize he was out of breath because he'd been running. How far had he gone? It didn't matter. He needed to walk, to clear his mind.

  For hours he wandered around the city, lost in thought. He went to the park, sat, and people-watched. It soothed him, sitting quietly, watching the city he lived in and loved go about its business. It reminded him of London in some ways. Always bustling, people walking with purpose while others lounged in parks, tourists strolling, the sound of traffic, of life. It felt like a lifetime ago that he'd moved here, but really it had only been roughly ten years or so. The longer he sat, the cooler the day became. He had no idea what time it was, only that he was no closer to sorting his thoughts than he had been when he left Seb's house. Seb....

  Their bond should make them stronger, not weaker. Mrs. Palmer believed marked mates shouldn't be in law enforcement, much less on the same team. She made a good point. Protecting their mates was a fierce pull, and fighting that pull went against their nature. It was challenging, but not impossible. Hudson gasped, realizing the answer was right in front of him. Mrs. Palmer was wrong. Bonded mates could successfully work together. Hudson witnessed it every time he went out in the field with Destructive Delta. Dex, that cheesy-doodle-crunching nut, proved Mrs. Palmer wrong.

  Dex and Sloane's relationship was far from perfect, and they'd fallen along the way, but they showed that marked mates could not only protect each other, but those around them. When it came to protecting Dex, Sloane was fierce and terrifying, yet he believed in his mate's capabilities. He trusted Dex to not only remain safe, but to do his duty. They worked together as a team and part of a team. They built each other up, leaned on one another, teaching, learning. Dex and Sloane were the reason the fraternization rule had been amended. They'd proved love wasn't a weakness, but a strength.

  Hudson stood with a smile. Trust Dex to give him hope without even being there.

  Hope.

  It was a start.

  THE HOUSE was empty.

  Seb hadn't expected Hudson to be home when he arrived, and he chastised himself for feeling disappointed. He walked around, the sense of loss palpable. His laundry had been folded and put away, which was very sweet of Hudson to do. There was no reason for him to stay. Seb had taken care of Hudson because he'd wanted to, not because he expected anything in return, and he certainly didn't want Hudson staying out of guilt or a sense of duty. It was better this way. No false hopes. Waking up to Hudson in his bed, having the man in his arms, their bodies pressed together, had been a blessing, and he would cherish that memory, but it was time to stop wishing for something that would never be. Seb had meant what he'd said. He would always be there for Hudson, no matter what they were to each other. Hudson's absence made it clear they were only friends. Seb would learn to live with that.

  After a shower, he made some dinner, then sat down to watch TV. He was mindlessly flicking through channels, lost in thought, when a knock startled him. He turned off the TV, went to the door, and was stunned to find Hudson there.

  Seb swallowed hard. His instincts screamed at him to pull Hudson into his arms, but he remained motionless, waiting for Hudson to say what he obviously came to say. His face was flushed, his eyes red-rimmed, and his hair a mess, chest rising and falling with rapid breaths as if he'd been running.

  "I would very much like to come home, Sebastian."

  Home.

  "If you'll have me." Hudson's face crumpled. "Please. I want to come home."

  Seb crossed the threshold and scooped him up, then carried him inside before kicking the door closed behind him. Hudson buried his head against Seb's neck, his skin cold to the touch. How long had Hudson been outside without a jacket? Seb carried him upstairs into the bedroom and placed him gently on his feet.

  "I can't... anymore," Hudson said quietly.

  "Can't what, Lobito?"

  "That," Hudson said with a sniff. He placed a hand to Seb's cheek, his blue eyes pleading. "I can't--I'm tired of living my life for someone else, for something I can't change. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay, of waking up without you by
my side. I don't want to be without you anymore. I never, ever want to leave your side again. I know I've been a complete arsehole, and I was wrong, so wrong. Please say you'll keep me?"

  Hudson shivered, and Seb covered Hudson's hands with his own, cursing under his breath. "You're freezing. Why the hell didn't you take a jacket?"

  "Sebastian, please." Hudson was waiting for his reply.

  "Of course I'll keep you. It's all I ever wanted. I--"

  Hudson kissed him, the taste of him exploding through Seb's mouth, sending a tremor through him. He wrapped his arms around Hudson and brought Hudson up against him, intent on bringing his lover warmth. His mate wanted to come home. Seb could hardly believe it. After all this time, his sweet Lobito was coming home to him for good. It wasn't his words that told Seb as much--it was his body, his mouth, the way he clung to Seb. The wall was gone. Before him, Hudson stood, yearning to be taken care of, thrumming with vulnerability, his soul bare to Seb. Hudson shivered, and Seb reluctantly pulled back.

  "Wait."

  "We've waited long enough," Hudson breathed.

  "I know, but you're hurt and freezing. We need to warm you up." Seb placed his fingers to Hudson's cheek. "Please. For my peace of mind. What's a few more minutes?" He sensed Hudson's hesitation and pushed forward. "For once, baby, let me in. Let me take care of you."

  Hudson nodded and allowed Seb to lead him into the bathroom. As Seb turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature, Hudson wrapped his arms around Seb's waist from behind, his head pressed against Seb's back, his voice a quiet whisper Seb wouldn't have heard over the water had he not been a Therian.

  "I need you."

  Seb closed his eyes for a moment, his hands covering Hudson's. This was the first time since he'd known Hudson that his beautiful Lobito had made such a confession. It wasn't a need brought on by lust or desire, but a declaration of Hudson exposing a part of himself he'd never revealed to anyone.

  "I'm here," Seb replied, turning to kiss Hudson's cheek. "Lean on me." He undid the buttons to Hudson's shirt one by one. With trembling hands, he pushed it off Hudson's milky-white shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. Hudson toed off his shoes as Seb unfastened the button on Hudson's jeans. He rained tender kisses around Hudson's face as he undressed him.

  Seb would take care of Hudson, but he wouldn't assume Hudson wanted him in the shower with him. As if reading his thoughts, Hudson slipped his hands under Seb's T-shirt.

  "You're always so thoughtful," Hudson murmured, helping Seb out of his clothes. When they were both naked, Seb helped Hudson into the expansive Therian-sized bathtub. He gently maneuvered Hudson under the hot water, smiling at Hudson's moan of pleasure as he closed his eyes and let the water run over him. Seb poured a generous amount of shower gel on the soft sponge, his heart skipping a beat when Hudson stepped out from under the showerhead and presented Seb with his back. He looked up at Seb over his shoulder, his beautiful blue eyes dark with lust, yet his smile was timid. Hudson's cheeks were flushed, and it spread over his skin down to his shoulders. Seb had missed that rosy hue.

  He washed Hudson with deliberate care, mindful of the bruises still marring his beautiful body. Seb pushed aside his rising anger and concentrated on Hudson, taking his time to cover every patch of delicious skin, every freckle, and the very prominent scars over his Lobito's left shoulder blade. Seb traced his fingers reverently over the very distinct claw marks. His claw marks. He shuddered, and Hudson turned, his blue eyes filled with love and anticipation. Seb lathered up Hudson's chest, moving the sponge over one tempting pink nipple, then the other before tracing a line down Hudson's flat stomach to the dark patch between his legs and the beautiful cock nested there. He kneeled, loving the feel of Hudson's hands in his hair, softly stroking as Seb washed Hudson's legs, up in between and back to his ass. It was a sweet, slow torture, and he was loving every minute of it. He wanted nothing more than to press Hudson up against the tiled wall and fuck him senseless, but they'd waited so long, he wouldn't rush even if it killed him.

  Seb stood, and Hudson took the sponge from him, rinsed it out, and added more shower gel. Seb remained still, his breath unsteady, as Hudson washed him, one hand moving the sponge over his body, the other exploring as he went along, fingers tracing every muscle, causing the heat between them to rise to a temperature Seb was certain surpassed the water coming out of the showerhead. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back as Hudson moved behind him, a hand running down Seb's spine, making him shiver. The sponge moved over his ass, a hand slipping between his asscheeks, and Seb congratulated himself on not bucking forward.

  "You're going to drive me out of my fucking mind."

  Hudson's chuckle resonated through Seb, his fingers brushing down Seb's arm as he placed a tender kiss between Seb's shoulder blades. Seb hummed with pleasure. Unable to take it anymore, he grabbed Hudson, moved him under the shower, and rinsed him off before he rinsed himself. Seb turned the shower off, got out, and helped Hudson out. They dried each other, and Hudson tossed the towel to one side so he could slide his hands up Seb's abdomen. He pressed his lips to Seb's chest over his heart. A sigh escaped Seb, and Hudson continued to trail scorching kisses across Seb's chest. Seb lifted Hudson's chin so he could see his mate's beautiful face.

  "I can't believe you're here."

  Hudson smiled, and it was radiant. He stood on his toes, cupped Seb's face, and pulled him down for a butterfly kiss. "Take me to bed, Sebastian."

  Seb pulled Hudson along with him out into the bedroom before turning him and seizing his lips. Hudson parted his lips, and Seb brought their tongues together. The fire that lay dormant in his sweet mate flared to life. He returned Hudson's feverish onslaught, releasing a groan when Hudson sucked on Seb's bottom lip before Hudson returned to kissing him as if breath could only be obtained through Seb's lips.

  When they were forced to come up for air again, Seb took the opportunity to bury his face against Hudson's neck. He inhaled Hudson's sweet scent. Unable to help himself, he nipped and sucked at the smooth, pale flesh before licking the pink spot he'd created. Hudson's fair skin flushed easily, and it drove Seb crazy. He couldn't get enough of the taste of him.

  "Oh dear God. Sebastian, please."

  In the rec room, Seb had all but come undone at having Hudson's bare skin against his, at the feel of those round globes pressing against Seb's rock-hard cock. It was a miracle he'd lasted as long as he had. Seb wanted to consume him, to become a part of him.

  "Maybe... we should... go slow," Seb stated, breathless.

  "Slow later," Hudson pleaded. "I need you inside me. I'm going to go mad if I don't feel you filling me up." Hudson reached down, making Seb jump when he closed his fingers around Seb's rock-hard shaft. "I need this gorgeous cock inside me right now, Sebastian."

  Releasing a growl, Seb grabbed Hudson by the waist and hoisted him up against him, thrilled by the feel of Hudson wrapping his legs around Seb's middle, his arms tight around Seb's neck, and Hudson's erection digging into Seb's abdomen. They kissed feverishly, both shaking from sheer need. So many years of wanting, yearning, and now....

  Seb fell onto the bed with Hudson, mindful of not crushing him, nestling between Hudson's thighs. His trailed kisses over Hudson's face, down his jaw and neck. He caressed Hudson's skin, brushing fingers down Hudson's torso and over his hip to his thigh. Unlike Seb, who was all hard muscle, Hudson was soft, his muscles defined but sleek and sinewy. Seb kissed Hudson's smooth chest, moving his lips over one nipple, suckling on it before flicking the taut, pink nub with the tip of his tongue. Hudson slipped his fingers into Seb's hair, arching his back and writhing beneath Seb as he moved on to the right nipple.

  "My Lobito, so beautiful."

  "Yours, always." Hudson's words were a breathless whisper, and Seb relished the way Hudson shivered, as if he were about to shatter into a million dazzling stars, all from Seb's touch. Seb wanted to devour him, to taste, touch, kiss every glorious inch of him. He licked at Hudson's naval before m
oving down to nibble at the inside of Hudson's thigh, making Hudson jerk with a laugh. Still a sensitive spot. Seb chuckled before leaving more kisses. He took hold of Hudson's long hard cock and kissed the rosy head before lapping up the precious pearls of precome.

  "Sebastian," Hudson whispered his name like a prayer. "There's been no one since you."

  Seb froze. "No one?" Hudson hadn't had sex in almost seven years?

  Hudson's cheeks flushed furiously. "I... took care of things myself. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone but you inside me." He met Seb's gaze. "I never gave up hope."

  Seb swallowed past the lump in his throat. There hadn't been many guys since Hudson, but he'd had sex. "I'm sorry, I--"

  "No." Hudson put his fingers to Seb's lips and smiled warmly. "It was my decision. What felt right for me. I never expected you to do the same. No more guilt."

  Seb smiled past the tears in his eyes. "No more guilt, baby." He took Hudson's fingers and placed them to his lips for a kiss. "I never bottomed for any of them. Only you." There was only one man Seb could give up complete control to, and that was Hudson. Seb enjoyed being fucked, but leaving himself open like that was reserved for his mate and no one else. Seb swallowed Hudson down to the root, and Hudson bucked under him, releasing a barrage of polite curses that made Seb chuckle around Hudson's shaft.

  He held Hudson's hips down as he bobbed his head, sucking, licking, and nipping at the gorgeous cock in his mouth. The scent of his mate was driving him out of his mind. How had he survived this long without having Hudson in his bed, under him, in his arms?

  Hudson gasped and moaned, pleas and promises escaping his lips as he threw his head back, one leg over Seb's shoulder as Seb deep throated him.

  "Oh God!" Hudson writhed, his fingers curling around the bedsheets. "Sebastian." He reached down to fist Seb's hair and tugged. Seb obliged, releasing Hudson's cock and moving up his body to kiss him, or rather to have his lips ravished by Hudson. Coming up for air, Hudson looked up at him through lowered lashes, and Seb smiled wickedly. He remembered that look. It accompanied an innocent, demure exterior that quickly gave way to something extraordinary. "Sebastian?"