Catch A Tiger By The Tail Read online

  stayed up watching him, enjoying having him here in his arms. Of course, that didn’t last too long because Calvin moved around a lot. Ethan smiled at Calvin’s sprawled position as he slept. How could a Human of Calvin’s size take up so much space? For the first time in a long time, Ethan was still awake while his boyfriend slept.

  Usually Calvin would be the last to fall asleep, an old habit from when they were kids. With Calvin’s mom working late most nights, Calvin would sleep over at Ethan’s. It had worked out for both their families. Calvin’s mom was less frantic about leaving him on his own in the evening, and Ethan’s mom was happy that Ethan had a friend like Calvin to look after him. Ethan stroked Calvin’s hair, running his fingers this way and that. It was getting a little long. When they were kids, Calvin always had it cropped short with a little spike on top, but in his teens he suddenly decided to grow it longer. There had been a time when he refused to be seen without a baseball cap, saying his hair looked gross. It had always looked cute to Ethan. Now it was still trim, but not as short as it once was.

  Ethan frowned at the small, subtle bump he felt on the back of Calvin’s head toward the top where his hair was longest. That was odd. It was raised skin. Like a scar. Ethan moved his finger, only to discover a similar one beside it and then another. Calvin had never told him about any scars. Ethan carefully parted Calvin’s hair, stunned to find the jagged-edged white scars formed shapes.

  Oh my God.

  Ethan’s blood ran cold. They weren’t just scars. They were scars shaped into distinctive letters. FPT.

  Ethan’s tiger Therian classification.

  Ethan jumped out of bed and paced the floor. That can’t be right. Why did Calvin have scars in the form of his classification on the back of his head? How had they gotten there? Ethan felt sick to his stomach. How could Calvin keep something like this from him? The scars weren’t placed there on purpose. They were too jagged.

  “Ethan?” Calvin’s sleepy murmur stopped him in his tracks, and he backed away from the bed as Calvin sat up. “What’s wrong?”

  Ethan ran a hand through his hair, his throat closing, choking him. He opened his mouth, but only a strangled cry came out. Oh God, please don’t let it be what I think it is.

  “Ethan, please talk to me.” Calvin sat up, but he didn’t approach Ethan. As much as Ethan wanted to shout and scream and demand to know what happened, he couldn’t. His body refused to cooperate. He tapped the back of his head repeatedly before pointing to Calvin. His boyfriend’s wide eyes told him he knew exactly what Ethan was referring to. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to upset you.”

  Ethan shook his head. He didn’t want to believe it. Please, tell me it’s not my fault. Please. Please tell me someone didn’t do that to you.

  Calvin drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “It was after the Halloween dance. Remember when I was supposed to bring you back candy, but I called and said I slipped on some eggs in the courtyard and was going to the nurse’s office?”

  Ethan nodded. He remembered it like it was yesterday. He’d been so worried about Calvin that night when he hadn’t heard from him. Ethan was the only kid on their block who never went trick-or-treating. It was the worst holiday in the world for Ethan, terrifying on so many levels. He hadn’t wanted to stop Calvin from having fun, but Calvin refused to go without him, saying he’d rather stay in with Ethan. So they reached an agreement. Calvin would spend a few hours trick-or-treating and bring back candy for the both of them while Ethan put together a little party in his room with snacks and their favorite movies. Then they’d eat candy until they felt sick and fell asleep way past their bedtime.

  “I was on my way home, and some of the seniors followed me. I thought they were going to talk shit and push me around, maybe take my candy. They said some fucked-up shit about you, and I got pissed. Punched their leader in the mouth. They ganged up on me, pushed me to the floor, and held me down. One of them had a switchblade. He said if I loved Therians so much, I should be marked like them. He carved the tiger Therian classification into the back of my head, said now I could be like my boyfriend. I knew you were waiting for me, and I didn’t want to scare you. Mom was working, so I walked to the police station and asked for help. I made Mom promise me she wouldn’t tell you.”

  Oh God. Ethan felt his chest tightening. His breath was coming out ragged. He was having trouble breathing. Someone did that? How…? Ethan shook his head. He needed to leave. A wave of dizziness hit him, but he pushed through it. He left the room and ran down the hall to the front door, where he put on his sneakers and jacket. He turned to Calvin, who stood in one of Ethan’s T-shirts, clearly the first thing he’d grabbed. Ethan’s heart splintered.

  “I understand,” Calvin said with a shaky smile. “Just be safe. I’ll be here when you get back.”

  Ethan nodded. He ran out the door and outside, not bothering with his car. Where he was going wasn’t far. He took off running, the cold air against his face helping him remain composed as he ran three blocks, then rounded the corner before running another two blocks until he reached Seb’s house. He ran up the stairs and pounded on the door. His keys to Seb’s place were on his key ring somewhere, but his hands were too shaky to hold anything.

  Seb opened the door, and Ethan threw his arms around his big brother, holding on tight. He didn’t know what else to do. How could this be happening? Seb held him close, running a soothing hand over his back like he did when they were kids. When Ethan could breathe again he pulled back, stepping inside so Seb could close the door.

  “Talk to me. What’s happened? Did you get into a fight with Cal? I thought things were good between you.”

  Ethan walked into the living room and dropped down onto the couch, unsure of where to start.

  “It’s okay, little brother, breathe.” Seb took a seat beside him, breathing deeply in and out so Ethan would follow along. “That’s it. Breathe. Good. I’m right here with you. Take your time.”

  Ethan opened his mouth, but he got choked up. He let out a frustrated grunt, and Seb put his hand on Ethan’s shoulder.

  “It’s okay. There’s no rush. It’s you and me here.”

  Ethan nodded. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Cal, he got hurt because of me.”

  “When? Is he okay?”

  Ethan shook his head. “It was a long time ago. One Halloween. Remember the one where he didn’t come over because he slipped on the eggs?”

  “I remember. We watched movies all night. You were really worried about him. But that wasn’t your fault.”

  “He never slipped on any eggs,” Ethan replied, his anger rising. He jumped to his feet, his whole body practically vibrating with anger. “He got jumped. Some asshole seniors jumped him. They held him down.” Ethan shook his head and shut his eyes. He didn’t want to picture it. Didn’t want to hear Calvin’s screams in his head as they mutilated him. Ethan smacked his hands against his ears to make it stop. He was having trouble breathing again.

  “Ethan, breathe. In and out.”

  Ethan dropped to his knees and closed his eyes tight. Why wouldn’t the screaming stop? “So much blood.”

  “Explain it to me, Ethan.” Seb took hold of Ethan’s face, his words gentle but firm. “Open your eyes, Ethan. Look at me. It’s Seb. Look at me.”

  Ethan opened his eyes, his brother’s kind and loving gaze reminding Ethan of all the times his big brother had held him and promised to slay all the monsters for him. Seb nodded, breathing with him. He laid his hand on Ethan’s head, and Ethan could breathe again. The touch was comforting, always had been. The letters…. Ethan dug his fingernails into his neck, wishing he could scrape the letters off. He’d do anything to get them off. He hated them.

  “No. We talked about that, remember? Don’t do that. Don’t hurt yourself. It hurts me, okay? It hurts me when you try to hurt yourself.”

  “I’m sorry.” He hadn’t done that in years. It was like he was a kid again, so much p
ain, so much fear. “They took a knife and carved the letters into his head. He never told me. Why wouldn’t he tell me? They hurt him because of me. He’s scarred. They scarred him. They fucking scarred him!”

  Seb stared at him before quickly shaking himself out of it. “What did Cal say?”

  “That he didn’t want to scare me.”

  “He’s always protected you. He loves you.”

  “And what’s that love cost him?” Ethan snapped. All his life, Calvin had been kicked around and beaten. It should have stopped when his dad left. Instead the pain inflicted on him by his father had been replaced by the pain inflicted on him for being with Ethan.

  “It didn’t cost him anything he wasn’t willing to give. I’d have done the same, and you would have done the same for him. That’s what love is. You’re his whole world, Ethan. Do you think he would have stuck around if he didn’t love you so fiercely?”

  Ethan swallowed hard. He couldn’t deny that. He would walk through the fires of hell for Calvin. He understood why Calvin hadn’t told him, but he couldn’t stop thinking of what he had endured for Ethan. “I bring him nothing but pain.”

  “If that was true, he wouldn’t have fallen in love with you, Ethan. Call him. Tell him to come here.”

  “No. I can’t. I can’t see him.”

  “Ethan, you can’t run away from this.” Seb took hold of Ethan’s face, his green eyes the same as Ethan’s. His brother understood the kind of love Calvin had for him. His heart was burning for it, had been since Hudson. “Those scars are a part of him. You can’t let the guilt eat away at you and ruin what you have with him, believe me. I know a thing or two about that. Do you love him?”

  Ethan closed his eyes. “Yes.”

  “Then tell him. He needs you, Ethan.”

  Ethan nodded. Seb was right. Calvin had never run away. He stood up and faced whatever came his way, no matter how scared he might have been. Seb handed Ethan his smartphone, and Ethan called Calvin.

  “Seb? What’s wrong? Is Ethan okay?”

  “It’s me,” Ethan said quietly. “I left my phone at home. Can you come to Seb’s?”

  “I’m on my way.”

  Ethan hung up and gave Seb back his phone. He got up and sat down on the couch to wait. He felt stupid for running away, but his heart hurt so badly. He hoped Calvin wasn’t disappointed in him. It seemed like all he ever did was bring Calvin trouble.

  There was pounding on the door, and Seb quickly answered. He said something to Calvin that Ethan couldn’t hear. Even if he could, he was too busy worrying about what Calvin was thinking.

  “Ethan?”

  Calvin rushed into the living room, looking as if he were out of breath. His cheeks were red from the cold, and he looked more vulnerable than Ethan had ever seen him. There was so much he wanted to say, he didn’t even know where to start. So he stood and opened his arms. Calvin didn’t hesitate. He rushed into Ethan’s embrace, and he did his best not to crush Calvin against him. When he could finally speak again, he pulled back.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for running.”

  Calvin cupped his face. “I understand, Ethan. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just… I knew how much it would hurt you, and with everything else going on at school, at home, I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “No more secrets between us, okay?”

  “Okay.” Calvin moved his gaze to Ethan’s neck, and he swallowed hard. “Please don’t hurt yourself again. It breaks my heart when you do.”

  “I’m sorry.” Ethan covered the sore spot with his hand, and Calvin gently moved it away. He stood on his toes and kissed Ethan’s tattoo.

  “You’re beautiful. All of you. Just the way you are.”

  “I’d hate to become a burden for you.”

  Calvin took Ethan’s hand and led him to the couch. He pulled him down with him as he sat. “Ethan, is your dad a burden for your mom?”

  “No, of course not!” Even when she’d been told there was no hope, or that her life would become hell, his mom had stood her ground. She was the most courageous person he knew, next to Calvin. Despite everything his mom and dad had been through, their bond grew stronger. “She loves him more and more every day.”

  “It’s been hell for them at times, but they persevered. They’ve stuck together. When your dad hurts, so does your mom, but she never once thought of him as a burden.” Calvin put his thumb to Ethan’s tattoo and stroked his skin. “When you hurt, I hurt, and I’ll do everything to keep you from hurting, because every day I love you more and more.”

  Ethan pulled Calvin close and kissed his lips. “Thank you, for being my best friend and my partner. I love you, Cal. I’m sorry it took me so long to say the words, but I do. I love you.”

  Calvin’s smile lit up his face, and Ethan had never seen anything more beautiful.

  “I love you too.”

  Ethan brought Calvin up against him and put a hand to his cheek. How different would his life have been without this amazing man? He’d never take Calvin for granted again. With a smile, he placed his lips to Calvin’s for a kiss, taking his time, enjoying the softness of Calvin’s lips, the taste of him, the way he lit Ethan up from the inside. He made Ethan feel safe and loved. As long as he was in Calvin’s arms, the world couldn’t touch him. He pulled back and nuzzled Calvin’s temple, his words quiet.

  “Let’s go home and go to bed.”

  Calvin kissed him in response before standing, their fingers laced together. He led Ethan to the door and paused to look behind them. Seb stood in the archway leaning against the wall, his warm smile on them.

  “Thanks, Seb,” Calvin said, giving him a wave.

  “Anytime.” He gave them a wink. “Stay out of trouble, you two. And lock up behind you.” With that, he turned and left. Ethan’s heart ached for his big brother.

  They locked up behind them and headed down to the sidewalk, where Ethan couldn’t help but look up at his big brother’s house. He let out a sigh.

  “I wish there was something I could do. I hate seeing him so alone.”

  “Yeah,” Calvin replied somberly. “And you know it’s going to get worse when he sees Hudson at Nina and Cael’s birthday party.”

  Ethan stopped and turned to Calvin. “What birthday party?”

  Calvin chuckled and pulled him along. “Dude, you really need to check your phone calendar more often. They sent out the invites to everyone a week ago. Nina and Cael’s birthdays are a few days apart, right? So they’re celebrating together by booking Dekatria for the night. All three floors. Seb was invited, and obviously Hudson’s going to be there.”

  They crossed the street, and Ethan frowned. “That means Rafe’s going to be there too.”

  Calvin cringed. “Yeah, I wonder how that’s going to go down. I mean, how long do Rafe and Nina think they can hide their relationship from Hudson and Seb?”

  The night was cold, and Ethan looked forward to getting indoors and under the warm covers with Calvin. He couldn’t stop worrying about the party. “I guess there’ll be enough people there so Seb won’t have to be where Hudson is. It still sucks, though.”

  “Do you want to go?” Calvin asked. “You don’t need to decide now. See how you’re feeling that night.”

  Ethan playfully bumped Calvin with his hip. Calvin was always attuned to his needs. “I’ll be okay. You’ll be there. So will Seb and Dex and the rest of the team. You know I’ll find the least crowded place. I can do it.”

  Calvin beamed up at him. “Whatever you want.”

  Ethan gave Calvin a wicked smile. He knew exactly what he wanted. “I think right now, what I want is you naked and sweaty.”

  “That can be arranged,” Calvin said, his tone low and husky. He turned and let go of Ethan’s hand. “Race you there.”

  Calvin bolted, and Ethan let him have a few seconds head start. He was so going to love pouncing on his sexy boyfriend. As soon as Calvin was at the end of the block, Ethan broke into a run. No way was he letting Calvin go.
Not on their way to their apartment or any time after that.

  Chapter Eight

  “YOU DO realize this is training and not a pool party,” Calvin said, shaking his head in amusement as Dex cannonballed into the deep end of Sparta’s Therian-sized swimming pool. His crazy friend came up spurting water, a big dopey smile on his face. “Sparks is going to kick your ass.”

  “Hey, I’m training. Let’s say I’m being chased by some huge feral Therian and there’s a big body of water nearby. I’m going to jump, right? I’m not going to tiptoe in.”

  “That would be your second mistake,” Letty offered as she leisurely floated by. “Your first mistake would be jumping in the water in the first place. Unless you got a motorboat in that water, your ass is grass, or in this scenario”—she motioned to all their Felid Therian teammates swimming toward Dex—“Felid chow.”

  Dex eyed Cael, Sloane, and Ethan as they swam circles around him, their tails in the air. They looked like three huge kitty sharks. Calvin sat on the edge of the pool, his bare feet in the water. Ash sat beside Rosa on the edge of the pool looking unimpressed, but then that was Ash’s usual state of being, other than angry. He clearly didn’t fancy getting his regal mane all wet. They watched Dex to see what his next move would be. The moment he took hold of Sloane’s tail, they cringed.

  “North, Miss Tessmacher! North!”

  Sloane hissed and dove under the water, taking Dex with him, but not before he let out the manliest of yelps. Had Dex considered letting go? Letty and Rosa laughed their asses off. Ash closed his eyes and chuffed with gratification, while Cael and Ethan swam after Dex and Sloane. Somewhere in the middle of the pool, the two popped up. Dex sputtered and moved his hair from his eyes. He arched an eyebrow at his partner, who was doggie paddling in little circles around the pool meowing happily, his head raised high.

  “Proud of yourself, huh? Thanks for saving me from being mauled by trying to drown me. That was very helpful.” Dex turned to Calvin with a frown. “How come Hobbs lets you hold onto his tail?”

  Calvin shrugged. “I don’t know. It started when we were kids. I think he likes knowing I’m there.”

  Ethan chuffed and rubbed his big furry head against Dex’s face.

  “Yeah, I love you too, buddy, but you’re all hairy and… wet… with wet fur.” Dex scrunched up his nose when Sloane started rubbing up against him as well. “Oh God, why? Someone want to help me? Anyone? You’re ferocious agents! Ferocious agents don’t rub up against their targets and purr!”

  Cael swam toward his brother with a chirp. Dex’s hopeful smile turned into a frown when Cael bumped his head under Dex’s chin with a series of cheerful chirps. Dex was boxed in, a Felid to his left, right, and front. Next to Calvin, Ash chuffed, his tail swinging back and forth until it fell over the edge and landed in the water. He quickly plucked it up, caught it with his paw, and groomed it.

  “Aw, you’re such a precious princess,” Calvin teased. Ash enjoyed the water as much as his friends, but only when he was in the mood. He was particularly fussy about his mane. That gave Calvin an idea.

  Calvin cleared his throat and discreetly looked away. As expected, Ethan doggie-paddled over and mewed at him. “Hey, handsome.” Calvin leaned in to scratch Ethan’s ears before whispering at him. Ethan paddled around the pool, Dex flailing in the background as he tried to get away from Sloane and Cael. Had he not learned by now that Felids were exceptional swimmers? And unlike a good number of house cats, their larger counterparts loved water.

  Ash’s eyes were closed. It looked like he was taking a little lion nap. He really should have been paying more attention to their “training.” Ethan bobbed up and snatched ahold of Ash’s tail with his paws, tugging, and pulled the roaring lion Therian into the water. Ash hit the pool’s surface so hard water splashed all over Calvin, but he was too busy laughing to care.

  Ash resurfaced and scrambled to get out of the pool. His majestic mane was plastered down over his face and body. Calvin got up and quickly moved away to the other side of the pool as Ash shook himself from nose to tail. Everyone burst into laughter as Ash’s mane puffed up. With the room having indoor heating, the warmth frizzed Ash’s mane. Calvin doubled over laughing. Ash was so going to kick their asses, but it was worth it.

  Seeing as he was already soaked, Ash jumped in and headed for his Felid teammates with a growl. Calvin hadn’t seen Dex move that fast since the canteen announced they were handing out leftover cake from someone’s birthday party. With Dex out of the pool, Ash turned his vengeance on Sloane and Ethan. They swam around, dove, and bobbed like giant apples. Felids were adorable when they swam. Well, unless they were feral Therians trying to kill you, then not so much.

  Dex grabbed a towel from the rack and strolled toward Calvin all innocent like. Uh-oh. Rosa really should have been paying more attention. With a sweet smile, Dex crouched down behind her, nodded as if he was listening to her conversation with Letty, and pushed her in. Calvin winced. That was definitely going to hurt Dex later.

  Rosa emerged cursing at Dex in two languages.

  Calvin shook his head in disbelief. “You got balls, man.”

  Dex shrugged. “Someone was bound to kick my ass for something today. Might as well get some fun out of it.” He motioned toward the locker room. “Listen, got a minute? I want to talk to you about something while the guys are busy.”

  “Sure.” Calvin headed for the male locker room. They might as well change and get dressed. The guys were going to need them to perform PSTC, and he’d rather not be half-naked while doing it. Having Ethan naked would be enough, especially since they’d have to wait until their shift ended to do anything more than a little kissing.

  Dex entered the shower next to him and spoke up. “Listen, I have an idea for a tattoo, but I’m not so great at drawing. Actually, I’m kinda shit. I was thinking maybe you’d design it for me?” Dex asked hopefully. “I’ll pay you, obviously. Dollars, favors, snacks. You name it.”

  Calvin peered at him as he removed his shower gel from his toiletry bag. “I’m not sure if I should ask what kind of favors you mean.”